Its official, I’ve lost my mind!

Yes, chemo-brain is a real thing and it’s not something we cancer patients make up. For years cancer survivors have joked about, and been frustrated with the mental cloudiness they sometimes notice before, during, and after chemotherapy. And now research shows that some cancer drugs can cause certain kinds of changes in the brain that make you forget both short term and long term parts of your every day life.

Unfortunately, the chemo brain has finally caught up to me! Hence the reason I haven’t written. This can also be a bad thing, because when you keep a cancer blog and you don’t update it in a month or so, people start to think the worst. So I just wanted to let everyone know that I am not dead. I’m just in a chemo fog state of mind and it makes it hard to concentrate, (not to mention it’s murder on my spelling.)
Although my family will say that I lost my mind years ago, they don’t know the half of it. It’s gotten so bad that I’ve started to put sticky notes on the inside of the closet doors saying, “This is the way out!”

I even find myself using the wrong words.

For example, I’ve said, I think I fried my mind cells, instead of “brain cells,” and when someone asked me what I was eating, I told them I didn’t no, but I thought it was “Orgasmic,” when I really meant, “Organic,” and then to make matters worse, I bought parsley thinking it was cilantro, gave the bank clerk, my social security number not once but three times, and insisted it was my checking account number, and to top it off, I tried to get into someone else’s vehicle thinking it was mine.

Thank God, my nine year old was with me. He told me repeatedly that it wasn’t our truck and then pointed our vehicle out which was two car lengths away. He then helped me find the way home.

Needless to say, it wasn’t until later that my chemo fog lifted momentarily, and I realized I was being given yet another lesson in this roller coaster ride I call, “life.”
I do not say this candidly, because this journey has been filled with many ups and downs these last few weeks, and I would be totally lost without the help of many loved ones. The most recent of these downs, was when I got my genetic test results back showing that I have BRCA 1 (which for those of you who don’t know what that means, it is an inherited mutated gene that can cause breast cancer, as well as all soft tissue cancers.) It also means that my children have a 50/50 chance of inheriting this gene.

I can hear them now saying, “Gee, mom, thanks. Dad gave us beautiful brown eyes and gorgeous looks. You gave us BRCA 1? Well I also gave them my brains, (not that I’m bragging,) hence the reason why I lost my mind years ago. But most importantly, I’m saving one of their lives with this knowledge, as well future generations including and up to my sisters, cousins and nieces and nephews. And to me, this just goes to show that there is a purpose to everything.

So even though it may suck knowing that I have a mutated gene that can carry a death sentence, in the bigger scheme of things, it means I am saving a life!

It has also given me several new ideas for a future book. And though I will have to write many of these ideas down on sticky notes so I don’t forget, it also brings me back to that life lesson my son taught me on this journey with cancer . . . And that is even during the most embarrassing, difficult or even life altering experiences, someone will always be there to help me find my way, whether that is a friend, neighbor, God, or even a sweetly persistent little nine year old boy, it is important for me to remember that life is about helping those along the way and enjoying the journey. So sit down, put your hands in the air, and most importantly, just enjoy the ride!