WHEN CANCER CALL'S . . .

So, I found another lump in my breast this week. (Yes, I still have breasts even though I had a double mastectomy!)
 Anyway, I went to get an ultrasound today. Luckily, it turned out to be another cyst, but as I was waiting in the lobby and contemplating over the last few years along with the ups and downs life as thrown my way, I couldn't help but wonder if cancer hadn't come into my life would I be the same person?

 I’d have to say, NO, I wouldn't.

 Do I miss Thelma and Louise? Hell yes, I miss my girls. Reconstructive boobs aren't as good as the real things, but I’m alive, AND I’m a better person because of the cancer.

The truth is cancer is ugly.
I know the big ‘C’ is something that crosses everybody’s mind at some point. And yet, we all think we’re not going to get it. Or hope we won’t get it, but the sad fact is, cancer effects everyone.
Sadly, I've lost several friends to cancer over these last few years, and just this month I got the phone call that two friends of mine had been diagnosed with different types of cancer. Not only are these men fellow firefighters and have served with my hubby, but one of the men is my friend’s father, the other is her husband.

Talk about a double whammy for this family!

These two men stood by my side, three years ago and shaved their heads with me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. To think they are now going through their own personal hell with the mother of all beasts, is heart wrenching.

For those of you who have never gotten that call from cancer or had to deal with something like this, by God, count your blessings, ‘cause when cancer calls, it’s like shoving a shattered mirror in front of your face. It forces not only you, but everyone around you to see it, feel it, taste it, touch it, breath it — the very thing you spend your life trying not to think about or address, the ultimate antithesis of this wonderful life: DEATH.

And yet, it is the one thing that can make you really appreciate: LIFE.

Cancer made me stand back and prioritize what was really important to me. When I was going through chemo, and radiation, I stopped focusing on all the little crap that we tie are selves up in. instead I spent time with those that I loved, I said I was sorry, I became forgiving, understanding and compassionate to those around me, (no, cancer did not turn me into an angel), but it turned me change how I lived and how I saw life around me. It’s exactly like that Tim McGraw song, “Live like you were dying.” Cancer wakes you up, and makes you appreciate what you have, and what you are going to one day lose. 'Cause let's face, none of us are getting out of this life alive!

Am I saying I was glad I picked up the phone when cancer called? No, not really, (and yet) I am. I'm a better person because of that road I traveled.  In all honesty it's a lonely road, it is a soul searching, muddy, gravely road. It is ugly. It’s filled with up’s and downs and deep dark pits. It’s not pink, clean, pretty and tied up in a ribbon. It's not about races and runners and ponytails and survivor-ship. It is ugly and real, and people die. But it is also about living, loving, holding your loved ones tighter, closer. Saying you’re sorry, and finding out what you're made of or just finding peace within yourself and coming to terms with past grievances.
Would I wish cancer on anyone? Hell No! But for those that have answered that call, God bless you and your's in your fight.