TO BE OR NOT TO BE . . .

Life is filled with choices and with each choice comes a consequence.
In 2011 when I was diagnosed with the BRCA 1 gene, I couldn't wait for my family to get tested to help prevent them from getting cancer. Needless to say I was shocked when most of my sisters didn't want to get the test.

WTH?

Yes, I was angry with them. Confused, and finally just plain sad. Here I was fighting for my life, my body mutilated by this ugly beast called CANCER, and my sister's didn't want to SAVE their futures, from this disease? Not only were they denying themselves the chance to beat breast cancer and ovarian cancer, but they were closing a door to their children's futures.

Because the BRCA gene is an inherited mutated gene. A child has a 50/50 percent chance of having inherited it from the parent that carries that gene.

Damn, aren't I lucky? I CAN'T win the lottery, but I can sure as heck can get BRCA.

To be or not to be informed just didn't make sense to me. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER PEOPLE! So it took me a long time to come to terms with their choices. I had to remember that we ALL have free will. My desires and choices were just that--my choice not theirs, and while I will always have to fight medical insurance's on a disease that I once had, my sister's were facing obstacle's I hadn't considered.
IF they had the BRCA, they could be denied medical insurance simply because their bodies could potentially become a walking time bomb.  

Fast forward four years. My sister's and my mom have all been tested now. Only two of my sister's have the BRCA gene. One of them went in and had a bilateral mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. Her girl's look freaking amazing! (Yes, I've seen them...and I'm jealous as hell, 'cause her's look perfectly normal.) My other sister has opted to go in every 6 months and have a mammogram and MRI.
But the biggest blessing out of all of this, is that they can be open with their children and help be aware of options. I learned that the BRCA came from my dad, and we have been able to reach out and talk to extended family on my dad's side of the family we didn't even know we were related to. But in the end, it always comes down to choices. If we choose to be or not to be informed of those choices, and then to act on those choices.
 

WHEN CANCER CALL'S . . .

So, I found another lump in my breast this week. (Yes, I still have breasts even though I had a double mastectomy!)
 Anyway, I went to get an ultrasound today. Luckily, it turned out to be another cyst, but as I was waiting in the lobby and contemplating over the last few years along with the ups and downs life as thrown my way, I couldn't help but wonder if cancer hadn't come into my life would I be the same person?

 I’d have to say, NO, I wouldn't.

 Do I miss Thelma and Louise? Hell yes, I miss my girls. Reconstructive boobs aren't as good as the real things, but I’m alive, AND I’m a better person because of the cancer.

The truth is cancer is ugly.
I know the big ‘C’ is something that crosses everybody’s mind at some point. And yet, we all think we’re not going to get it. Or hope we won’t get it, but the sad fact is, cancer effects everyone.
Sadly, I've lost several friends to cancer over these last few years, and just this month I got the phone call that two friends of mine had been diagnosed with different types of cancer. Not only are these men fellow firefighters and have served with my hubby, but one of the men is my friend’s father, the other is her husband.

Talk about a double whammy for this family!

These two men stood by my side, three years ago and shaved their heads with me when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. To think they are now going through their own personal hell with the mother of all beasts, is heart wrenching.

For those of you who have never gotten that call from cancer or had to deal with something like this, by God, count your blessings, ‘cause when cancer calls, it’s like shoving a shattered mirror in front of your face. It forces not only you, but everyone around you to see it, feel it, taste it, touch it, breath it — the very thing you spend your life trying not to think about or address, the ultimate antithesis of this wonderful life: DEATH.

And yet, it is the one thing that can make you really appreciate: LIFE.

Cancer made me stand back and prioritize what was really important to me. When I was going through chemo, and radiation, I stopped focusing on all the little crap that we tie are selves up in. instead I spent time with those that I loved, I said I was sorry, I became forgiving, understanding and compassionate to those around me, (no, cancer did not turn me into an angel), but it turned me change how I lived and how I saw life around me. It’s exactly like that Tim McGraw song, “Live like you were dying.” Cancer wakes you up, and makes you appreciate what you have, and what you are going to one day lose. 'Cause let's face, none of us are getting out of this life alive!

Am I saying I was glad I picked up the phone when cancer called? No, not really, (and yet) I am. I'm a better person because of that road I traveled.  In all honesty it's a lonely road, it is a soul searching, muddy, gravely road. It is ugly. It’s filled with up’s and downs and deep dark pits. It’s not pink, clean, pretty and tied up in a ribbon. It's not about races and runners and ponytails and survivor-ship. It is ugly and real, and people die. But it is also about living, loving, holding your loved ones tighter, closer. Saying you’re sorry, and finding out what you're made of or just finding peace within yourself and coming to terms with past grievances.
Would I wish cancer on anyone? Hell No! But for those that have answered that call, God bless you and your's in your fight.

Up and Running (okay not literally, 'cause I hate to run!!!)

I am currently taking a class at USU that requires me to post twice a week. EEEK! Are you shaking in your boots yet? If not you probably should. 'Cause let's be honest here, those of you that really know me can attest that I absolutely detest social media writing. I hardly ever check my Facebook page. I loath typing up random stuff or posting it to blogs . . . and I really, really hate to run! I do however love to write. BUT (and yes that is a very heavy BUT,) as a writer, I'd rather be creating a new novel. Maybe even indulge in a bag of sinful-thigh-cracking m&m's as I envision a romantic scene for my next chapter. Alas, taking the time to be a mother, writer, college student AND the devils soul collector, is no easy feat. And with that being said, I will now be carving time out of my hectic schedule to post some zany words of wisdom for fellow follower. (Okay, you can all stop laughing now! After all I am a wise-ass.) As a small reminder, please keep in my mind that my filter has been lost for some time. Since I have yet to recover said brain filter, nor can I recall where I placed it last, expect the unexpected from me as usual!